When Honesty Hurts

& how to navigate it with Truth, Trust & Tenderness

Us, the 'morning after' having the conversation we share in this blog. Closer than ever #truestory

Hey beloveds,

We want to share a very real moment from our relationship this week.

I wouldn't call it a 'fight' or even a 'trigger' really..It was definitely a tricky/delicate conversation though- the kind of moment that could have easily created rupture and distance,if we didn’t have the capacity to navigate it. 

Here’s what happened:

The kids were out for the day and night.A rare stretch of uninterrupted time just for us.I (Aaron) had been sick all week—head cold, low energy, off rhythm. Our shared connection hadn’t been bad,but it hadn’t been thriving either.

So after being curled up and having a delicious nap in bed together;I was really ready for some physical intimacy. Greer took off her top & my body lit up. But almost immediately, she said gently,“I don’t want this to lead to sex.”

Oof. That hit hard.

A part of me felt rejected.Unwanted.

Like my desire was too much. Like something was wrong with me.

And this is the essential part of the story; it was just a part of me that felt that; & we all have parts. You could say we all walk aroundwith a kind of multiple personality disorder. One part may feel hurt,another may feel defended,another may feel trust and love.

This is the gift of parts work(think: Internal Family Systems, voice dialogue, somatic inquiry). It teaches us to give space to all the different aspects of our psychewithout over-identifying with any one of them.

So instead of collapsing into that rejection or projecting it outward, I said: "There's a part of me that feels rejected, and it’s hurting." And at the same time, a wiser part of me knew that Greer’s honesty wasn’t a rejection of me. It was her deep honouring of herself. And that is sacred.

Because we’ve made a vow in our marriage:to always honour truth. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it stings.

Because truth, in its purest form, is medicine. And love that’s built on truth becomes unshakable.

But let’s be honest:that path isn’t always smooth.

(Greer here):

To be honest with your partner,you first have to be honest with yourself.And that requires a deep level of self-awareness, self-responsibility, and radical self-trust.

I had to be willing to speak what was true in my body—that while I was open to closeness,I wasn’t open to sex.Not from shutdown. Not from disinterest.Just truth in my body.

And in our relationship, we’ve built an abiding trust that when truth is brought forward—especially the uncomfortable kind—it’s always in service to love.

But truth alone isn’t enough.We also need skill.We need the ability to hold each other with compassion,to speak for our 'parts' without collapsing intoor over-identifying with them,and to trust the deeper processeven when it’s rocky.

Even with all the tools we teach and live—it’s still hard sometimes.But we’ve done it enough that we now trust the process itself.

Aaron again:

Something I’ve had to learn over time is how essential compassion iswhen bringing truth into our relationship.

There’ve been many times I’ve wanted to hold back—not because I wasn’t clear—but because I know how painful it is to feel 'not enough'.I’ve seen how my truth can sometimes trigger that place in Greer,and her reaction might look like shutting down or withdrawing.

But instead of letting her reaction trigger my wounding,I’ve learned to meet it with tenderness.To recognise:her shutdown or withdrawing is just her nervous system protecting her.

And this is where so many couples lose trust in the process.

One partner shares a truth. The other reacts.And that reaction reactivates the first partner’s pain.Now both are hurt, and no one feels safe to be honest anymore.

Truth doesn’t just ask for courage—it asks for compassion.If we bring it, we also have to be willing to hold how it lands.

Greer again:

One of the greatest gifts Aaron gives me when he brings his truth—even when it’s hard to hear—is the trust he places in me to receive it.That trust has allowed me to grow so much.

It makes me want to give him that same trust.To trust him.To trust us.To trust that we can handle each other’s full truth.

Aaron one more time:

And here’s something that really landed hard for me this week:

Because I’d been unwell,I hadn’t been creating those little moments of connection.No playful touches.No gentle check-ins.No micro-moments of polarity.

So when the time finally came for us to be together,the charge wasn’t there.And I think this is something couples need to know:

If you’re not tending your polarity regularly,don’t expect it to just switch on the moment you’ve got space.

For the feminine to be sparked in the relationship:*Connection needs to be Cultivated& Devotion will lead to Desire* 

And the final point: Evven with all the tools we teach, all the awareness we’ve cultivated, all the hours spent doing this work—this conversation was still hard.

That’s why we love this analogy of the elite Olympic weightlifter.

They have world-class technique.Impeccable form. Total mastery of biomechanics.

But when they step up to lift a massive barbell—it’s still heavy.

Skill doesn’t make the weight disappear.Skill just lets you lift it well.

That’s how we see conscious relationship.

It doesn’t mean you don’t get hurt. It doesn’t mean truth always lands gracefully. It means you’ve trained yourself to meet discomfort without closing your heart.

To stay connected even when your parts want to protect.

To trust in the deeper process,and the love that exists beneath it all.

This is the kind of relationship we live.And this is the kind of love we teach.

Dare to go Deeper, Aaron & Greer p.s. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to work with us? Take the first step & tee up a COMPLIMENTARY alignment call with us. Together, we can explore what you're needing & wanting as a couple & whether we're a fit to guide you there.